Sex Your Husband September

I’ve been pondering intimacy and specifically the routines and views of sex in marriage over time. The husband and I believe that a well-rounded marriage is built on connection, specifically connecting

• spiritually 
• emotionally
• intellectually
• verbally
• & physically 

Because of this aforementioned belief, we walk together in our faith (spiritual), we have worked hard on cognitive empathy (emotional), we stay woke and well-read (intellectual), and its like the Oprah show couch in our living room, the way we dissect our individual and collective narratives (communication), but with kids, career and life’s endless demands, the sex and physical intimacy, in general, can suffer.

I Don’t Want to be Touched

Here is a list of common reasons why I don’t want to be touched:

• it’s hot
• the house is not clean
• I’ve had a stressful day at work
• the kids are annoying
• the dishes aren’t done
• I just took a shower
• I watched an episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
• the husband said something I didn’t like
• I’m reading a book
• I’m watching a Game of Thrones marathon
• the husband did something I didn’t like

During the honeymoon phase(s), intimacy was the rule and not the exception. I wanted to hold his hand. I wanted to lean in close to him while watching tv or reading a book or surfing the internets. I wanted to snuggle into him while dozing off. But life happened: bills, kids, career, election 2016, and it chipped away at my capacity for intimacy and many forms of physical affection. Intimacy and affection stopped being something fun, something relaxing and this exciting and beautiful part of our love; for no other reason than it was something I stopped being intentional about.

Sex Your Husband September

This month, starting after Labor Day, I’m going to be intentional about sex with my husband. Barring illness or emergency, we are going to be intimate daily. That means

• hand holding
• french kissing
• butt grabbing
• couch cuddling
• couples showering

Daily orgasms are just a bonus to getting pass my mental roadblocks to intimacy. Sex Your Husband September is about intentional intimacy. Prioritizing more consistent intimacy and paying attention to how it impacts how one views their spouse, their marriage as well as their own individual mental and emotional health.

The Plan

1. Not mentioning Sex Husband September and seeing if he mentions anything (less pressure and more fun)
2. Increasing PDA (public displays of affection)
3. Say yes (All ya gotta do is SAY YES)
4. Initiate interaction
5. Quickies when time is short or I’m exhausted or annoyed or wanting to read in bed
6. Journaling, just to see if this “exercise” activates any thoughts, emotions or creative juices
7. Daily intimacy

This isn’t just about sex, but removing those barriers that we sometimes subconsciously build around ourselves. A month-long focused attempt at being more open and available to the person we love the most.

Don’t Just Take My Word For It

The Benefits of Having Sex More Often

There are many reasons to have sex more often, at least when it comes to quality sex in a supportive relationship. More frequent sexual activity is linked to physical benefits, such as lower blood pressure, emotional perks, such as reduced stress, and relationship benefits, such as greater intimacy and a lower divorce rate.

What is maintenance sex? It may help strengthen your marriage.

Your relationship isn’t going to fail just because the sexual aspect isn’t as robust as it was many years (and perhaps several kids) ago. However, operating on autopilot without making a concerted effort to nurture physical intimacy can lead to decreased fulfillment, which is never good.

“Sex is important in a relationship. When we are looking at the brain and hormonal benefits, orgasm releases oxytocin which is the ‘feel good’ hormone that bonds us. This is why, when couples begin to feel that they are drifting or growing apart, they’re mostly likely to report a lack of sex,” notes Dr. Hafeez.